Emotions are at the heart of every human experience. While we often categorize them as “good” or “bad” or “positive” or “negative”, the truth is: every emotion has a purpose. Emotions are like roadmaps that help us discover and understand our needs, values, and environment.
Let’s say you get an unexpected email from your boss asking to meet. Your heart races, your stomach turns, and you can’t focus. At first, you might say, “I’m stressed.” But dig a little deeper:
- What’s really going on?
- You might realize you’re feeling anxious, unprepared, or even insecure.
Naming an emotion means identifying exactly what you’re feeling in a given moment. It is not just the broad feelings such as “bad” or “stressed,” but being more specific, such as “disappointed,” “lonely,” “embarrassed,” or “nervous.”
Psychologists often refer to this as emotional granularity, which is the ability to distinguish between similar feelings. According to research highlighted by the American Psychological Association, people with higher emotional granularity tend to cope better with stress and have stronger emotional regulation skills.
In this blog we delve into understanding the need for naming and regulating them. (You may also refer to “Understanding Our Emotions”, which is the first part to this two part blog).
Does naming emotions help?
The famous psychiatrist Dr. Dan Siegel introduced the phrase “Name it to tame it”, which highlights the importance of identifying our emotions.
Here’s why it works
- Naming your emotions helps you step back, create distance between you and your emotions, and witness what you are feeling instead of being swept up in it.
- When you understand what is happening internally, it helps make it easier to decide what to do next.
- Each emotion, though sometimes uncomfortable, serves a vital role. Emotions are not problems to fix, rather they are data that help us assess what can be done in a particular situation or moment.
- It helps us set healthier boundaries, and makes us less vulnerable to lashing out, or shutting down during overwhelming situations, such as being amidst a conflict.
- It also helps in extending compassion towards oneself, acting with kindness rather than criticism, and making more thoughtful choices rather than reacting impulsively.
Naming and understanding emotions helps us build a connection with our internal worlds. According to a review by the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), building emotional awareness is a key part of therapy models like dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) and emotion-focused therapy (EFT). These approaches help people identify, validate, and process their emotions instead of avoiding or suppressing them.
A study published in the journal Emotion found that people who could label their feelings more precisely were less likely to engage in harmful coping behaviors, such as substance use or emotional outbursts. They are also the first steps towards regulating our emotional experiences.
What Is Emotional Regulation?
Emotional regulation is the ability to respond to emotions in a way that is flexible, healthy, and aligned with your goals or values. It however, does not mean ignoring feelings or “staying positive” all the time. Instead, it emphasizes managing emotional responses especially in tough situations.
To begin with, when we feel “emotional overwhelm” or “off”, we need to ask ourselves
- What am I feeling at this moment?
- What triggered this feeling?
- How did my body react?
- What thoughts came with it?
- What is this emotion trying to tell me?
- What do I need right now?
Being curious and asking ourselves these important questions is where we begin the process of emotion regulation. There are many ways people regulate emotions, including
- Using the Wheel of Emotion- shows the primary emotions (like joy, sadness, anger) and breaks them down into more specific feelings (like betrayed, content, or powerless). They can help you pinpoint exactly what one is feeling at that moment.
- Breathing and mindfulness techniques.
- Journaling to process thoughts
- Cognitive reappraisal (reframing how you see a situation)
- Talking to someone to help you make sense of your emotional experiences
According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), difficulties with emotional regulation can show up in a variety of mental health conditions — but improving this skill is possible for everyone, with or without a diagnosis.
Common questions about emotion regulation
Isn’t it better to just ignore painful emotions?
Ignoring emotions does not make them go away, instead leads to them being pushed underground or being suppressed. Over time, that emotional build-up can negatively impact long term mood, and behaviour, and manifest in the form of burnout, anxiety, or physical symptoms.
What if I can’t tell what I’m feeling?
That is a common experience among many who are just beginning to identify and understand their emotions. Keep practicing. Try journaling, naming physical sensations, or using an app that helps build emotional awareness.
Is emotional regulation the same as controlling my feelings?
Not at all. Regulation is about working ‘with’ your emotions, and not against them. It is more about choosing your response in an emotionally difficult or overwhelming situation, and not bottling things up or forcing yourself to be “okay.” It helps you adaptively respond to, rather than suppress emotions.
In conclusion, learning to name and regulate your emotions isn’t about being “emotionally perfect”. It is about becoming more self-aware, compassionate, and in control of how you respond to them when they arise during challenging times. Each one of us can build emotional intelligence over time. However, it takes practice, curiosity, and sometimes support from a trained therapist.
